With the days getting shorter and the skies getting grayer, you might be feeling a little down. Most people will tell you to buck up, fake it ‘til you make it, look on the bright side blah blah blah. Those people are morons. Go ahead and wallow. Because there’s nothing more comforting than a good pity party on a chilly day. Especially if it involves hot chocolate.

Your Lucky Misunderstood Spread: Vegemite
Your Lucky Song That’s Excellent for Wallowing: REM, “Nightswimming”


Your Creative Horoscope is a registered trademark of Jenny Nicholson is super awesome, LLC and is for entertainment purposes only. Many people will tell you that R.E.M.’s best wallowing song is “Everybody Hurts,” but those people are also morons. Any actual predictions of the future are accidental and not a reflection of the psychic powers of Jenny Nicholson is super awesome, LLC, unless said prediction involves Jenny Nicholson is super awesome, LLC waking up to discover she has magically developed a singing voice more beautiful than a nightingale, then going on a tour where vast hordes of people pay $39 each to see her play her ukulele and sing. Oh and this prediction should probably also involve her knowing how to play more than three songs on said ukulele.

If you’re feeling a little slow today, don’t let it get you down. Maybe the rest of the world is just in too damn much of a hurry. Those jerks.

Your Lucky Cheese Flavor: Pepper Jack
Your Lucky Character Descriptor Some Men Haven’t Embraced: Precious


Your Creative Horoscope is a registered trademark of Jenny Nicholson is super awesome, LLC and is for entertainment purposes only. People who run around in a hurry all the time have an increased risk of tripping on a shoelace and falling on their face. Any actual predictions of the future are accidental and not a reflection of the psychic powers of Jenny Nicholson is super awesome, LLC, unless said prediction involves Jenny Nicholson is super awesome, LLC making friends with a giant friendly gorilla who speaks sign language. Oh and it should probably involve Jenny Nicholson is super awesome, LLC learning sign language first.

If you ever worry that nobody loves you, try this: Go away for a couple days and see if anyone notices.

Your Lucky Soup Side Effect: Clears Out Your Sinuses
Your Lucky Costume Women Need to Stop Wearing: Sexy Cat


Your Creative Horoscope is a registered trademark of Jenny Nicholson is super awesome, LLC and is for entertainment purposes only. Jenny Nicholson is super awesome, LLC would totally notice if you just up and disappeared. At least after a week or two. Any actual predictions of the future are accidental and not a reflection of the psychic powers of Jenny Nicholson is super awesome, LLC, unless said prediction involves Jenny Nicholson is super awesome, LLC getting a new dishwasher that doesn’t leave everything smelling strangely like hot milk.

It often feels like the rest of the world is out to get you. Today they are. So revel in the fact that, for once, it’s everyone else’s issue and not a reflection of your own paranoid delusions.

Your Lucky Torture Strategy: Paper Cuts in Sensitive Places
Your Lucky Call-to-Arms: “I’M MAD AS HELL AND I’M NOT GOING TO TAKE THIS ANYMORE!!!!”


Your Creative Horoscope is a registered trademark of Jenny Nicholson is super awesome, LLC and is for entertainment purposes only. Jenny Nicholson is super awesome, LLC is not paranoid. The tin foil hat she wears at home is just a fun accessory. And you know, you can never be too protected. Any actual predictions of the future are accidental and not a reflection of the psychic powers of Jenny Nicholson is super awesome, LLC, unless said prediction involves Jenny Nicholson is super awesome, LLC evolving the ability to live without sleep, thereby being able to both succeed at her job and clean her house. And maybe even do some laundry too.

In this business, downtime is pretty hard to come by. So today, you might want to think about how you use yours. Sure, it might sound good to sit on the couch and stare vacantly at the television while stuffing your face with handfuls of Crunch ‘n’ Munch, but that only feeds your mouth. What about your soul?

Your Lucky Mosquito-Borne Disease: Dengue Fever
Your Lucky Gag Gift: Fake Pile of Vomit


Your Creative Horoscope is a registered trademark of Jenny Nicholson is super awesome, LLC and is for entertainment purposes only. Jenny Nicholson is super awesome, LLC has never sat on the couch, staring vacantly at the television while stuffing her face with Crunch ‘n’ Munch. She’s more of a Poppycock kind of girl. Any actual predictions of the future are accidental and not a reflection of the psychic powers of Jenny Nicholson is super awesome, LLC, unless said prediction involves Jenny Nicholson is super awesome, LLC starting a new art form that looks like crudely drawn stick figures but is lauded by critics as a deep investigation into the true meaning of talent.

It’s Monday. So if you feel like maybe you just want to relax and be a little lazy about things, that’s just fine.

Your Lucky Hangover Remedy: Gatorade and a Banana
Your Lucky Hangover Prevention: Stay Home


Your Creative Horoscope is a registered trademark of Jenny Nicholson is super awesome, LLC and is for entertainment purposes only. Jenny Nicholson is super awesome, LLC never gives anything less than 137% effort, no matter what day of the week it may be. So even if it appears that she is being a bit lazy, it’s probably all in your head. Any actual predictions of the future are accidental and not a reflection of the psychic powers of Jenny Nicholson is super awesome, LLC, unless said prediction involves Jenny Nicholson is super awesome, LLC buying a product off an infomercial and discovering that it is actually MORE amazing than it appeared at 3am on TLC.

Say what you want about advertising being the engine of commerce. When it comes down to it, we work in a business whose entire purpose is to convince people to buy things they probably don’t need, by promising that the product we’re pushing will make them smarter, healthier, more likable, and just plain happier than they are right now. If that doesn’t gnaw at you a little bit, more power to you. But if it does, maybe it’s time to start thinking about what you can do to give back to humanity. You can start here: www.volunteermatch.org

Your Lucky Tragic Rock Star: Gram Parsons
Your Lucky Seemingly Invincible Rock Star: Keith Richards


Your Creative Horoscope is a registered trademark of Jenny Nicholson is super awesome, LLC and is for entertainment purposes only. Jenny Nicholson is super awesome, LLC sometimes feels guilty that she’s a better copywriter than a social worker, but usually is just really happy she’s not doing that anymore. Any actual predictions of the future are accidental and not a reflection of the psychic powers of Jenny Nicholson is super awesome, LLC, unless said prediction involves Jenny Nicholson is super awesome, LLC going on a world tour with her all-girl ukulele band.

You may have a lot on your mind today. The thoughts spinning around in your head might feel really deep and important and existentially critical. Truth is, they’re probably not. So you might as well think of something else, like hedgehogs and how cute they are. I’ve even included a visual aid to help you out: Check it out.

Can you say, “Awwww”?

Your Lucky Fake-Healthy Trend: Vitamin Water
Your Lucky Nostalgic Aroma: Elmer’s School Glue


Your Creative Horoscope is a registered trademark of Jenny Nicholson is super awesome, LLC and is for entertainment purposes only. Jenny Nicholson is super awesome, LLC would already be the proud owner of an adorable pet hedgehog, but apparently her home is not a democracy. Besides, her dog would probably eat it in one bite. Any actual predictions of the future are accidental and not a reflection of the psychic powers of Jenny Nicholson is super awesome, LLC, unless said prediction involves Jenny Nicholson is super awesome, LLC making a frajillion dollars on a breakthrough new product called “MineralWater.”

Sometimes life feels overwhelming. Some days, you might you wish you could just burrow under the covers and stay there all day. But you know what? Life is supposed to be overwhelming. That’s part of what makes it different from being dead. Which is not necessarily overwhelming, but not all that fun either.

Your Lucky Misunderstood Hobby: Short Wave Radio Construction
Your Lucky Word that Substitutes for a Bad One: “Fracking”


Your Creative Horoscope is a registered trademark of Jenny Nicholson is super awesome, LLC and is for entertainment purposes only. Jenny Nicholson is super awesome, LLC does not no for sure whether or not being dead is fun, but is willing to wait a while before she finds out. Any actual predictions of the future are accidental and not a reflection of the psychic powers of Jenny Nicholson is super awesome, LLC, unless said prediction involves Jenny Nicholson is super awesome, learning to actually enjoy the taste of water instead of forcing it down in a vain attempt to be “healthful.”

Today is the ides of October. Add an “a” and what do you get? That’s right, ideas. Don’t say I never gave you anything.

Your Lucky Psuedo-Wine: Boone’s Farm Fuzzy Navel
Your Lucky Happy Gilmore Quote: “The price is WRONG, bitch!”


Your Creative Horoscope is a registered trademark of Jenny Nicholson is super awesome, LLC and is for entertainment purposes only. One could also add an “l” to “ides” and end up with “idles,” but you probably don’t need to read that much into it. Any actual predictions of the future are accidental and not a reflection of the psychic powers of Jenny Nicholson is super awesome, LLC, unless said prediction involves Jenny Nicholson is super awesome, LLC finally understanding all the subtext in Donnie Darko.

You can choose to be a raincloud or you can decide to be a bright, shining ray of sunshine. Today’s one of those days when you’ve got the chance to shed a little warmth and light on people who might be having a gloomy kind of time. Of course, that might get you punched in the face, but nobody said being happy was easy.

Your Lucky Starbucks Beverage: Iced Passion Tea, Shaken with a Little Sugar
Your Lucky Addictive But Pretty Time-Waster: Pretty Photo Hunt


Your Creative Horoscope is a registered trademark of Jenny Nicholson is super awesome, LLC and is for entertainment purposes only. Nobody has ever actually inflicted physical violence upon Jenny Nicholson is super awesome, LLC in response to her relentless cheer, but it has been threatened once or twice. Any actual predictions of the future are accidental and not a reflection of the psychic powers of Jenny Nicholson is super awesome, LLC, unless said prediction involves Jenny Nicholson is super awesome, LLC, finding enough time to write the novel that will surely launch her into the literary stratosphere. Or at least enable her to say, “Hey, I’m a novelist!”

If you find yourself feeling a little sluggish today, make sure you’re drinking enough water. Fatigue is a common symptom of dehydration. And also of pathological laziness.

Your Lucky Morbidly Adorable Comic: The Book of Bunny Suicides
Your Lucky Annoying Jingle That Gets Stuck in Your Head: “Meow Meow Meow Meow Meow Meow Moew…”


Your Creative Horoscope is a registered trademark of Jenny Nicholson is super awesome, LLC and is for entertainment purposes only. Fish oil supplements can also help increase energy levels, but make sure you get the capsules with the “FEWER FISH BURPS” starburst on the bottle. Any actual predictions of the future are accidental and not a reflection of the psychic powers of Jenny Nicholson is super awesome, LLC, unless said prediction involves Jenny Nicholson is super awesome, LLC, becoming the nation’s poet laureate and commemorating the honor by speaking only in haiku.

Sometimes it’s easy to take things personally. Especially in a business where you turn your head inside out and display it for everyone to see in the thinly veiled form of a “concept.” But try not to. Next time someone says, “Eh, I don’t think this is working,” do whatever you can to avoid translating that into “You suck and I hate you.” But if someone says something like “Your new haircut looks like a cat pooped on your head and tried to cover the evidence” – well, that’s personal.

Your Lucky Jackson Browne Song: “The Load-Out”
Your Lucky Word Everyone Seems to Hate: Moist


Your Creative Horoscope is a registered trademark of Jenny Nicholson is super awesome, LLC and is for entertainment purposes only. The whole “cat poop haircut” thing was purely hypothetical. Your hair looks great. Really. Any actual predictions of the future are accidental and not a reflection of the psychic powers of Jenny Nicholson is super awesome, LLC, unless said prediction involves Jenny Nicholson is super awesome, LLC, becoming the new spokesperson for OxiClean and getting to make giant messes then magically clean them up, no scrubbing necessary.

Your intellectual prowess can easily intimidate others. Which is normally A-okay. But today, you might want to dumb it down some. You know, for the little people.

Your Lucky Side Effect of Dog Ownership: Fur Tumbleweeds
Your Lucky Underappreciated Vegetable: Okra


Your Creative Horoscope is a registered trademark of Jenny Nicholson is super awesome, LLC and is for entertainment purposes only. Anything that might look like lack of intelligence on the part of Jenny Nicholson is super awesome, LLC is actually the shield she’s built to spare you the blistering heat of her true intellect. Any actual predictions of the future are accidental and not a reflection of the psychic powers of Jenny Nicholson is super awesome, LLC, unless said prediction involves Jenny Nicholson is super awesome, LLC, figuring out the scientific explanation for why cats curl their paws under and sit in that adorable loaf configuration.

The eminent Abraham Lincoln once said, “Better to remain silent and be thought a fool than to speak out and remove all doubt.” But what did he know? Go ahead and say whatever’s on your mind. I’m sure we’re all dying to know.

Your Lucky Sign of the Impending Apocalypse: MTV’s The Hills
Your Lucky Bit of Literary Nostalgia: Ramona Quimby, Age 8


Your Creative Horoscope is a registered trademark of Jenny Nicholson is super awesome, LLC and is for entertainment purposes only. If Ramona Quimby has taught us anything, it’s that one should always check to see if their egg is indeed hard-boiled before cracking it upon one’s head. Which, if you think about it, isn’t that far off from Honest Abe’s advice. Any actual predictions of the future are accidental and not a reflection of the psychic powers of Jenny Nicholson is super awesome, LLC, unless said prediction involves Jenny Nicholson is super awesome, LLC, harnessing the power of the sun and doing a kind of reverse Charlie Brown thing where instead of a little rain cloud following her around, she is ialways enveloped in a buttery yellow ray of sunshine.

As the wise sage Joni Mitchell once said, “Don’t it always seem to go that you don’t know what you’ve got ‘til it’s gone?” Ms. Mitchell speaks the truth. So go ahead and take everything you’ve got for granted as much as possible, so when it’s gone, you’ll appreciate it that much more.

Your Lucky Gross-But-Strangely-Appealing Odor: Gasoline
Your Lucky Scandal-Loving Baseball Player: Darryl Strawberry


Your Creative Horoscope is a registered trademark of Jenny Nicholson is super awesome, LLC and is for entertainment purposes only. During the ill-fated year of 1991, 13-year-old Jenny Nicholson is super awesome, LLC, thought it’d be an excellent plan to play senior league baseball, because as everyone knows, adolescent boys are always welcoming to members of the opposite sex who try to join their groups. The only good thing that came out of that year was an awesome Darryl Strawberry signature baseball mitt. Any actual predictions of the future are accidental and not a reflection of the psychic powers of Jenny Nicholson is super awesome, LLC, unless said Jenny Nicholson is super awesome, LLC going back in time to August 1991 and deciding to play softball instead.

You know that thing I told you to do yesterday? Do it again today. And maybe tomorrow too.

Your Lucky Brilliant but Depressing Movie: Requiem for a Dream
Your Lucky Underappreciated Dark Comedy: Death to Smoochy


Your Creative Horoscope is a registered trademark of Jenny Nicholson is super awesome, LLC and is for entertainment purposes only. A single-household study on the effects of television introduction to a specific home in Chapel Hill has found that, as the frequency of Sportscenter viewing increases, the amount of spousal communication shows an equal but opposite reaction. Any actual predictions of the future are accidental and not a reflection of the psychic powers of Jenny Nicholson is super awesome, LLC, unless said prediction involves the death of a certain gentleman upon disturbing Jenny Nicholson is super awesome, LLC between the hours of 8 and 9 pm on the next twelve Wednesdays.

Tonight, when you go home, go home. Not the kind of going home where five minutes after you get in the door, you’re back on your computer. And not the kind where you make your spouse, your roommate, your chlldren, your dog, your Chia pet, or anything else in your vicinity listen to all the crap that happened to you at work today. Just go home and actually be there. Because your Blackberry might be fun, but it won’t keep you warm at night.

Your Lucky Pet That Looks Cute but Smells Bad: Ferret
Your Lucky Musician With a Political Agenda: Jeff Tweedy


Your Creative Horoscope is a registered trademark of Jenny Nicholson is super awesome, LLC and is for entertainment purposes only. Some electronics, such as a laptop, may actually keep you pretty warm, but they are all notoriously bad snugglers. Any actual predictions of the future are accidental and not a reflection of the psychic powers of Jenny Nicholson is super awesome, LLC, unless said prediction involves Jenny Nicholson is super awesome, LLC, a million dollars and a hut in Barbados. And maybe a talking monkey.

Sometimes to be successful in this world, you’ve got to kiss a little butt. Your boss’s butt, your client’s butt, the butt of the waitress when you’re trying to order something off the kids’ menu and you know you’re not under 12. And yeah, smooching away your dignity never feels great, but it’s part of life. So close your eyes, pucker up, and think of England. Or the delicious grilled cheese sandwich you’re about to enjoy.

Your Lucky Spice Girl: Sporty
Your Lucky Suicidal Musician: Elliot Smith


Your Creative Horoscope is a registered trademark of Jenny Nicholson is super awesome, LLC and is for entertainment purposes only. Jenny Nicholson is super awesome, LLC does not enjoy kissing the proverbial butt, but unfortunately Guglhupf’s grilled Nutella sandwich is only on the kids menu. Any actual predictions of the future are accidental and not a reflection of the psychic powers of Jenny Nicholson is super awesome, LLC, unless said prediction involves Jenny Nicholson is super awesome, LLC building a 100% perfect America’s Next Top Model bracket.

Today is a very special day here at the Creative Horoscope. We have with us none other than O.J. Simpson of football and Ford Bronco fame. Take it away, Juice!

FIRST, I NEED TO MAKE ONE THING CLEAR: I’M NOT AN ASTROLOGER, I’M O.J. BUT IF I WERE CAPABLE OF SEEING THE FUTURE, I WOULD TELL YOU THAT TODAY IS A GOOD DAY TO COVER YOUR TRACKS. YOU NEVER KNOW WHEN PEOPLE WILL ACCUSE YOU OF HEINOUS CRIMES YOU MOST DEFINITELY DID NOT COMMIT.

Your Lucky Defense Line: “If the glove don’ fit, you must acquit.”
Your Lucky Best Judge of All Time: The Honorable Lance Ito


Your Creative Horoscope is a registered trademark of Jenny Nicholson is super awesome, LLC and is for entertainment purposes only. Jenny Nicholson is super awesome, LLC does not condone entrapment, but does find it somewhat poetic that O.J. Simpson could possibly be imprisoned for life, not for anything that happened in Brentwood, but for a kerfluffle over some old jerseys or something. Any actual predictions of the future are accidental and not a reflection of the psychic powers of Jenny Nicholson is super awesome, LLC, unless said prediction involves Jenny Nicholson is super awesome, LLC being able to sit down and watch television without ever again having to see Kato Kaelin (who, fyi, is actually named “Brian”).

Sometimes when things are going well, you may think it’s because you are perfect and can do no wrong. Incorrect. It’s more likely that nobody has yet discovered that you are fraud you secretly know yourself to be. So if you’re on top of the world right now, don’t let your head get too inflated. Because the fall back down to earth? Ow.

Your Lucky Breakfast Item: Egg McMuffin with Sausage and Hash Browns
Your Lucky Advertising Buzzword: “Weak Sister”


Your Creative Horoscope is a registered trademark of Jenny Nicholson is super awesome, LLC and is for entertainment purposes only. Jenny Nicholson is super awesome, LLC prevents against head swelling with relentless self-criticism and deprecation. Any actual predictions of the future are accidental and not a reflection of the psychic powers of Jenny Nicholson is super awesome, LLC, unless said prediction involves Jenny Nicholson is super awesome, LLC going to space camp, accidentally ending up on a real shuttle and having to single-handedly save the world from total disaster.

It’s amazing what you can see and hear when you keep a low profile. And that’s the kind of stuff that could come in veeeeeeery handy in the future, if you know what I mean.

Your Lucky Condiment: Dill Relish
Your Lucky Disturbing yet Delicious Invention: Magic Shell


Your Creative Horoscope is a registered trademark of Jenny Nicholson is super awesome, LLC and is for entertainment purposes only. Jenny Nicholson is super awesome, LLC has never heard or seen anything that good because keeping a low profile is not exactly one of her signature traits. Any actual predictions of the future are accidental and not a reflection of the psychic powers of Jenny Nicholson is super awesome, LLC, unless said prediction involves Jenny Nicholson is super awesome, LLC inventing a catapult that will launch her all the way from her home to the office, while she lies back and laughs at the sad traffic below.

I’m assuming your foot doesn’t taste all that great. So today, you might want to work on keeping it out of your mouth.

Your Lucky Tapeworm Detection Strategy: Hover Over a Shallow Bowl of Milk
Your Lucky Self-Help Book: “Make It So”: Leadership Lessons from Star Trek: The Next Generation

Your Creative Horoscope is a registered trademark of Jenny Nicholson is super awesome, LLC and is for entertainment purposes only. Jenny Nicholson is super awesome, LLC enjoys putting her foot in her mouth on a regular basis, if only because it tastes so darn great. Any actual predictions of the future are accidental and not a reflection of the psychic powers of Jenny Nicholson is super awesome, LLC, unless said prediction involves Jenny Nicholson is super awesome, LLC winning a contest in which the grand prize is a lifetime supply of Poland Spring sparkling water in the Mandarin Orange flavor.

A scientific study once found that most people, if given the order to push a button and cause another person great bodily harm, would push the button. So today, when somebody’s really bugging you (because you know somebody will), just take a deep breath and imagine jamming the crap out of that big red button as many times as it takes to make you feel better.

Your Lucky First Line of a Limerick: “There once was a man named Dave…”
Your Lucky Character that Terrifies Children: Chuck E. Cheese


Your Creative Horoscope is a registered trademark of Jenny Nicholson is super awesome, LLC and is for entertainment purposes only. Jenny Nicholson is super awesome, LLC likes to believe that she is one of the .001 percent of people who would refuse to push the button. But she wonders. Any actual predictions of the future are accidental and not a reflection of the psychic powers of Jenny Nicholson is super awesome, LLC, unless said prediction involves Jenny Nicholson is super awesome, LLC bumping into Britney Spears in a nail salon, making friends, and helping her understand that she’s okay just the way she is.

Today will be the best day you have ever had. The bank will make a thousand-dollar mistake in your error, the Clearinghouse Prize Patrol will show up on your door step, your pets will magically stop shedding and you will suddenly develop the ability to freeze time, kind of like that scene in Big Fish where the popcorn is hanging in the air and Ewan McGregor knocks it down as he walks by.

Either that, or it will be just another Wednesday. Whichever.

Your Lucky Variety of Cheese: Gorgonzola
Your Lucky 90210 Episode: The one where Dylan’s dad blows up


Your Creative Horoscope is a registered trademark of Jenny Nicholson is super awesome, LLC and is for entertainment purposes only. Jenny Nicholson is super awesome, LLC is already having an amazing day and can’t wait to check her bank statement. Any actual predictions of the future are accidental and not a reflection of the psychic powers of Jenny Nicholson is super awesome, LLC, unless said prediction involves Jenny Nicholson is super awesome, LLC developing the world’s most useful superpower: never having to pee again. Imagine the time that would save.

Only babies throw tantrums. And you don’t want to be a baby, do you?

Your Lucky Urban Dictionary Definition: “Butt Dial”
Your Lucky Mucus Color: Yellowish-Brown

Your Creative Horoscope is a registered trademark of Jenny Nicholson is super awesome, LLC and is for entertainment purposes only. Jenny Nicholson is super awesome, LLC wouldn’t actually mind being a baby: cute outfits, someone to push you around all day long, plenty of sleep. Not a bad gig at all. Any actual predictions of the future are accidental and not a reflection of the psychic powers of Jenny Nicholson is super awesome, LLC, unless said prediction involves Jenny Nicholson is super awesome, LLC getting a crafty show kind of like Martha Stewart, except where she messes up sometimes and everyone laughs in a totally charmed and happy way.

Sometimes you come up with awesome concepts. Sometimes those concepts die. Sometimes your awesome concepts deserved to die, because they weren’t nearly as awesome as you thought. But some concepts really were as good as you thought and they still died and it’s a crying shame and it happens every day. It happens and it’s no fun, but before you beat your head in with your officemate’s gold pencil, remember: It’s just advertising. So get over yourself. Then go smell some flowers or play with a puppy or something.

Your Lucky Urban Legend: Forward chain e-mail. Get money from Bill Gates
Your Lucky Nickname for Underwear: Chonies


Your Creative Horoscope is a registered trademark of Jenny Nicholson is super awesome, LLC and is for entertainment purposes only. Jenny Nicholson is super awesome, LLC has never kicked a trash can and cried after the death of a beloved concept. Because she is far too level-headed for that. Any actual predictions of the future are accidental and not a reflection of the psychic powers of Jenny Nicholson is super awesome, LLC, unless said prediction involves Jenny Nicholson is super awesome, LLC forseeing the return of Freaks and Geeks or Carnivale. Whichever.

If you sit under a tree today and a bird poops on your head, don’t say I didn’t warn you.

Your Lucky Biodiesel Benefit: Cars that Smell like French Fries
Your Lucky Movie Quote: “If you’re gonna spew, spew in this.”


Your Creative Horoscope is a registered trademark of Jenny Nicholson is super awesome, LLC and is for entertainment purposes only. One time in high school, Jenny Nicholson is super awesome, LLC was sitting under a tree with four other people and, trying to be wry and witty, said “You know, I have bad luck. There could be five people sitting under a tree and the bird would poop on me.” Five minutes later…you know. Yeah. Any actual predictions of the future are accidental and not a reflection of the psychic powers of Jenny Nicholson is super awesome, LLC, unless said prediction involves Jenny is super awesome, LLC inventing a stretching machine that would make her taller, not super tall, but at least tall enough that the “short” jeans aren’t still too long. Is that too much to ask?

Meetings are an inevitable part of work life. But do they have to be so miserable? Heck no. With a little creativity and some blatant disregard for what others think of you, spicing up a meeting is easy. Take, for example, the age-old meeting practice of saying the same thing approximately 47 times. In your next meeting, when someone begins re-re-paraphrasing their own point, try this: Yell “Platypus!” Or “Kidney Beans!” Or “I love my Grandma!” The subject matter is up to you, but anything loud enough to get everyone’s attention and random enough to potentially be excused as a Tourettic outburst should do the trick. Keep this up for a week or so, and before you know it, you’ll magically be excused from attending most meetings. Genius, I know. Sometimes I even blow my own mind.

Your Lucky Disgusting Thing You Might Find in My Office: A Moldy Snow Globe
Your Lucky Imaginary Disease Invented to Sell Medicine: Restless Leg Syndrome


Your Creative Horoscope is a registered trademark of Jenny Nicholson is super awesome, LLC and is for entertainment purposes only. Jenny Nicholson is super awesome, LLC may not know the difference between Martin Sheen and Martin Short but that doesn’t make her any less su—SULFUR SMELLS LIKE ROTTEN EGGS! Umm, anyways: Any actual predictions of the future are accidental and not a reflection of the psychic powers of Jenny Nicholson is super awesome, LLC, unless said prediction involves Jenny is super awesome, LLC microwaving a bowl of oatmeal and discovering a vision of the Virgin Mary floating in the brown sugary bits and selling said bowl of holy oatmeal on E-Bay for at least $50.

You are bursting with good ideas. That’s why you’re in this business. And yeah, good ideas are made for sharing. But when it comes to other people’s work, it might be smart to check in and see whether your good ideas are welcome before you start tossing them out. Not because you don’t want to offend anyone. But because who wants to waste genius on a bunch of people who can’t appreciate it?

Your Lucky Fashion Faux Pas: Wearing White After Labor Day
Your Lucky Blood-Sucking Parasite: Chiggers


Your Creative Horoscope is a registered trademark of Jenny Nicholson is super awesome, LLC and is for entertainment purposes only. Jenny Nicholson is super awesome, LLC is always open to good ideas of any kind; what appears to be a defensive refusal to accept input from others is just a seemingly contradictory manifestation of her amazing listening skills. Any actual predictions of the future are accidental and not a reflection of the psychic powers of Jenny Nicholson is super awesome, LLC, unless said prediction involves Jenny is super awesome, LLC stumbling onto a top-secret experiment and getting shrunken, then injected into the veins of a famous comedian who is hopefully not Martin Short.

Sometimes the world can be a confusing place. Sometimes it seems like we’re all fumbling around, with no idea what we’re doing here, where we’re going, or where we’ll end up when it’s all over. The next few weeks are going to be one of those times -- it will seem that your brightest guiding light has left you in the dark, alone and afraid. That’s right – the Creative Horoscope is going on hiatus until September 4th, to unlock the secrets of a prophetic lawn ornament. Small flashes of brilliance may show up from time to time, but for the most part, the crystal ball will remain dark. If, however, you are in great need, you may send a prediction request and I will try to respond.

Your Lucky Symptom of Stress: Canker Sores
Your Lucky Stress Reliever: 89.7 WCPE – The Classical Station


Your Creative Horoscope is a registered trademark of Jenny Nicholson is super awesome, LLC and is for entertainment purposes only. It’s pretty hot out today, which means it might be a good idea to skip exercising and sit on the couch, eating Doritos and watching Family Guy instead. Any actual predictions of the future are accidental and not a reflection of the psychic powers of Jenny Nicholson is super awesome, LLC, unless said prediction involves Jenny is super awesome, LLC walking up the steps of the Pyramid of the Sun and, while stopping to rest, accidentally leaning against a stone that causes a trap door to swing open, thus sending her on an escapade much like the ones she used to follow in that fascinating literature series, Choose Your Own Adventure.

Temperatures today are predicted to rise from somewhat miserable to completely unbearable. For a handy way to beat the heat, try thinking up concepts that involve being a little chilly. Two guys ice fishing. Somebody locked in a meat freezer. Polar bears drinking cola, perhaps? You’ll be cooler in no time. (Okay, I totally lie. You’ll still be hot, but you’ll be hot with a bunch of lame ideas involving cold environments.)

Your Lucky Drag Queen: Hedwig
Your Lucky Cookout Accessory: Corn Cob Stabbers

Your Creative Horoscope is a registered trademark of Jenny Nicholson is super awesome, LLC and is for entertainment purposes only. It’s pretty hot out today, which means it might be a good idea to skip exercising and sit on the couch, eating Doritos and watching Family Guy instead. Any actual predictions of the future are accidental and not a reflection of the psychic powers of Jenny Nicholson is super awesome, LLC, unless said prediction involves a big-time casting director discovering Jenny is super awesome, LLC waiting in line for a Cinnabon and making her the next Meryl Streep.

I have it on good authority that the stars don’t like Mondays any more than you do. Why else would they suck so badly? So before you get to complaining about how the weekend is never long enough or how you didn’t want to get out of bed this morning or how the traffic was really, really bad or how nothing has gone right so far, just stop. Because you don’t want to piss off cranky stars. They’ll just strike your whiny ass with a bolt of lightning.

Your Lucky Cranky Sitcom Star: Roseanne
Your Lucky Cranky Muppet: That one old one


Your Creative Horoscope is a registered trademark of Jenny Nicholson is super awesome, LLC and is for entertainment purposes only. Jenny Nicholson is super awesome is not cranky in any way. I read ‘em like I see ‘em and if you don’t like it, suck it. Any actual predictions of the future are accidental and not a reflection of the psychic powers of Jenny Nicholson is super awesome, LLC, unless said prediction involves Jenny Nicholson is super awesome, LLC becoming a big wave surfer and putting cocky old Laird Hamilton in his place.

This business is like an ego hatchery. We sit on our little egos and try to protect them. Under our warm bums, they grow large, but also become soft and fragile. And sometimes we’re so anxious about defending ourselves that we reject those things that would actually make them stronger. Like compliments. Think back to the last time somebody said something nice to you. How did you respond? Did you say, “Hey, thanks. I appreciate that.” Or did you say, “Oh it was nothing. Let me enumerate for you all the reasons I don’t deserve the compliment you just bestowed.” Bet you a nickel it was the second one. Next time, try just saying “thanks” and see what happens. But I wouldn’t advise strutting around and crowing. That just pisses people off.

Your Lucky Coffee Flavor: White Chocolate Caramel Crack Chip
Your Lucky Saved by the Bell episode: The one where Jessie becomes a meth addict

Your Creative Horoscope is a registered trademark of Jenny Nicholson is super awesome, LLC and is for entertainment purposes only. Jenny Nicholson is super awesome, LLC has a nicely formed ego that’s just the right size and just the right harness. And no, she has never cried at work, so shut up. Any actual predictions of the future are accidental and not a reflection of the psychic powers of Jenny Nicholson is super awesome, LLC, unless said prediction involves Jenny Nicholson is super awesome, LLC finding a magic bean and instead of fighting with the giant at the top of the beanstalk, making friends with him and helping him understand why he’s so lonely inside.

Next time you feel like you’re in a bit of a creative rut, don’t bother looking through old annuals or watching other people’s spots. That will just make you feel like crap. Instead, go play with a kid. Children are master concepters. For a lesson in lateral thinking, watch how quickly a kid can turn a playground structure into a vast plain trampled by dinosaurs or an underwater lagoon where wily octopi must stalk jellyfish with “stingers that are like longer than you” or a grocery store where the friendly cashier accepts wood chips for payment and gives you suspiciously rock-like “candy” in exchange. Just don’t poop your pants. That’s not even cute when kids do it.

Your Lucky Logic-Defying Fashion Trend: The little charms people put in the holes on their Crocs
Your Lucky Washed-Up Comedian: Andrew Dice Clay


Your Creative Horoscope is a registered trademark of Jenny Nicholson is super awesome, LLC and is for entertainment purposes only. Jenny Nicholson is super awesome, LLC has never pooped her pants, except for one time when she was eight and was really sick and was walking home from school and it was a long walk and there weren’t any conveniently located 7-11s, okay? Any actual predictions of the future are accidental and not a reflection of the psychic powers of Jenny Nicholson is super awesome, LLC, unless said prediction involves Jenny Nicholson is super awesome, LLC rocking the world by playing a smoking version of “The Star-Spangled Banner” on her ukulele. Take that, Jimmy.

It’s often said that our greatest strengths are also our biggest weaknesses. So today, take a close look at the things you think are best about you. Chances are, those things are driving everyone around you crazy. Happy Tuesday!

Your Lucky Time-Wasting Website: www.passiveaggressivenotes.com
Your Lucky Underappreciated Classic-Rock Album: Rush, 2112

Your Creative Horoscope is a registered trademark of Jenny Nicholson is super awesome, LLC and is for entertainment purposes only. The whole strengths being the flip side of weaknesses thing only has one exception: Jenny Nicholson is super awesome, LLC has no weaknesses. Only strengths. Do you hear me? Strengths only! No weakness! Weakness bad! BEEFCAKE! Umm, yes, uh, where were we? That’s right: Any actual predictions of the future are accidental and not a reflection of the psychic powers of Jenny Nicholson is super awesome, LLC, unless said prediction involves Jenny Nicholson is super awesome, LLC getting a call from Anna Quindlen, wherein Anna tells Jenny Nicholson is super awesome, LLC that she wants to be her mentor and writing buddy, kind of like Sean Connery is to that kid in Finding Forrester.

Sometimes the truth hurts. But many still say that honesty is the best policy. Don’t listen to them. Those people are just spiteful jerks who enjoy crushing dreams and smashing hope. When faced with the possibility of telling a hurtful truth, real friends lie. Inside your head, you might think, that’s the stupidest thing I ever heard. But out of your mouth should come nothing harsher than a tepid acknowledgement of the suggestion’s potential. It’s like if Dan Weiden was concepting with David Kennedy and he was like, “Hey, dude, what if we told people to ‘Go on and do something’?” and Kennedy said, “Dude you are a moron” – they never would have gotten to one of the best lines in advertising. So in summary: Truth Bad. Lies Good.

Your Lucky Fast Food Character: The Hamburglar
Your Lucky Dehydration Side Effect: Fluorescent Pee

Your Creative Horoscope is a registered trademark of Jenny Nicholson is super awesome, LLC and is for entertainment purposes only. Jenny Nicholson is super awesome, LLC has never told a lie, except in those situations when the truth would have hurt and not, as John Cougar Mellencamp would tell you, “so good.” Any actual predictions of the future are accidental and not a reflection of the psychic powers of Jenny Nicholson is super awesome, LLC, unless said prediction involves Jenny Nicholson is super awesome, LLC getting a certified letter informing her that she has been bequeathed a private island by a long-lost wealthy aunt who always thought fondly of her sparkle and smile.

Creating amazing work isn’t just a matter of what goes on inside your head. Your environment counts too. So look around you. What do you see? Are you surrounded by a legion of half-empty cups and copies of ideas that have already died? Or is your desk a vast, empty expanse of nothingness, with nary a piece of flair in sight? Maybe you should do something about that. Because it might not help your creativity, but I’m sure nobody around you wants to be disgusted by your mess or depressed by your blandness.

Your Lucky Brand Name Turned Common Noun: Band-Aid
Your Lucky Unnecessary Kitchen Gadget: Mango Slicer


Your Creative Horoscope is a registered trademark of Jenny Nicholson is super awesome, LLC and is for entertainment purposes only. Any messes currently residing upon the desk of Jenny Nicholson is super awesome, LLC are merely temporary deviations from its usual state of stylish neatness and control. Any actual predictions of the future are accidental and not a reflection of the psychic powers of Jenny Nicholson is super awesome, LLC, unless said prediction involves Jenny Nicholson is super awesome, LLC inventing a machine that automatically makes anything you’re hungry for, like the Jetsons had.

Wandering down memory lane isn’t just for old people sitting in rocking chairs or women bonding over coffee made from a powdered vanilla-flavored mix. It can be good for your creative soul too. So if you’re feeling a little uninspired today or wondering how the heck you ever ended up in this ridiculous business in the first place, bring on the soft focus lens and think back to the heady days when you were just getting started. Remember how excited you were? Remember how it seemed like you were on your way somewhere amazing? Remember how many stupid things you did? Remember how pitifully naïve you were?

There, don’t you feel better now?

Your Lucky Slightly Insane “Expert”: Cesar Millan
Your Lucky Useless Time-Waster: http://www.icanhascheezburger.com

Your Creative Horoscope is a registered trademark of Jenny Nicholson is super awesome, LLC and is for entertainment purposes only. Maximum wool-gathering results can be achieved when attempted with a good friend, some General Foods International Coffee, and shared memories of a waiter named Jean-Luc. Any actual predictions of the future are accidental and not a reflection of the psychic powers of Jenny Nicholson is super awesome, LLC, unless said prediction involves Jenny Nicholson is super awesome, LLC finding the time to build an awesome breakfast machine like Pee-Wee Herman’s.

It always feels like there’s never enough time. Well guess what? There’s not. And there’s never going to be. You can whine and moan about your time shortage, which might feel nice, but means you’ll have even less time to do whatever it is you’re crying about not having enough time to do. Or you can shorten the pity party a bit and just do it. Hey, if it works for Nike…

Your Lucky Pseudo-Psychologist: Dr. Phil
Your Lucky Nightmare: The One Where All Your Teeth Fall Out


Your Creative Horoscope is a registered trademark of Jenny Nicholson is super awesome, LLC and is for entertainment purposes only. Anybody who feels like these predictions are sometimes a little harsh has no idea of how heavy the weight of psychic vision can be. You want happy-funny-lying future-seeing? Go to the carnival. Geez. Any actual predictions of the future are accidental and not a reflection of the psychic powers of Jenny Nicholson is super awesome, LLC, unless said prediction.

The combination of Monday, high humidity levels, and the dominance of Jupiter in the fourth house of Mars means that you might be feeling a wee bit impatient today. Of course, the responsible way to handle such feelings would be deep breaths and keeping your mouth shut. But that’s not going to ease the psychic tension you feel. Here’s what I suggest instead: If, in a meeting today, your client says something stupid, respond “Hey, hey you. You know what? You are dumb! Dumbdumbdumb.” Can’t say that will help your career, but boy, will you feel better.

Your Lucky Anti-depressant: Lexapro
Your Lucky Allergy Everyone Thinks They Have But Most Don’t: Lactose


Your Creative Horoscope is a registered trademark of Jenny Nicholson is super awesome, LLC and is for entertainment purposes only. Any jobs lost as a result of inappropriate meeting outbursts are the sole responsibility of those silly enough to take this thing seriously. Any actual predictions of the future are accidental and not a reflection of the psychic powers of Jenny Nicholson is super awesome, LLC, unless said prediction involves Jenny Nicholson is super awesome, LLC somehow inventing a Go-Go-Gadget copter that gets her to work and back without the bother of traffic or roads.

As befitting this Friday the 13th, we have a fabulous guest seer who has come back from the dead to predict your future. So give it up for Nostradamus!

Nostradamus says:

Burning torch will be seen in the sky at night
near the end and beginning of the Rhone:
Famine, steel: the relief provided late,
Persia turns to invade Macedonia.

Umm...thank you, Nostradamus. That was very, umm, illuminating.

Your Lucky Meat Substitute: TVP (Texturized Vegetable Protein)
Your Lucky Nasty Habit: Nose Picking while Driving


Your Creative Horoscope is a registered trademark of Jenny Nicholson is super awesome, LLC and is for entertainment purposes only. Nostradamus is probably just some dead guy who doesn’t have a clue what he’s talking about, but you might want to keep an eye on Persia, just in case. Any actual predictions of the future are accidental and not a reflection of the psychic powers of Jenny Nicholson is super awesome, LLC, because do you really want to trust a psychic who subs in some dead French guy instead of coming up with her own prescient tellings?

It seems like well-meaning relatives and strangers who sit next to you on airplanes are always trying to give you ideas for commercials. And, yes, they’re usually pretty awful. But next time, instead of rolling your eyes and silently condemning them for their ignorant little concepts, maybe you should listen a little more carefully. You never know where you’ll find inspiration.

Your Lucky Midwestern City: Milwaukee, Wisconsin
Your Lucky YouTube Phenomenon: Dramatic Prairie Dog


Your Creative Horoscope is a registered trademark of Jenny Nicholson is super awesome, LLC and is for entertainment purposes only. You don’t HAVE to share the credit with your Aunt Bess if she gives you an idea, but it is the polite thing to do. Any actual predictions of the future are accidental and not a reflection of the psychic powers of Jenny Nicholson is super awesome, LLC, unless said prediction involves Jenny Nicholson is super awesome, LLC developing an immunity to getting that damned “Young Folk” song stuck in her head.

Nobody likes meetings. They can be boring, they can be pointless and they can definitely go on way longer than necessary. But that doesn’t mean one shouldn’t arrive to them on time. If you find yourself complaining about how little time you have, think about the last meeting you went to. Did you come in on time? Or did you mosey in at about 15 minutes after the designated time, then spend the next couple hours bitching about how people waste your time in meetings? Time wasting is a two-way street. So give a hoot and don’t pollute other people’s life with your own form of inconsideration.

Your Lucky Neurotransmitter: Dopamine
Your Lucky Sesame Street Character: The Invisible One


Your Creative Horoscope is a registered trademark of Jenny Nicholson is super awesome, LLC and is for entertainment purposes only. The Creative Horoscope is still considered prescient, even when it arrives after the day is halfway over. Any actual predictions of the future are accidental and not a reflection of the psychic powers of Jenny Nicholson is super awesome, LLC, unless said prediction involves Jenny Nicholson is super awesome, LLC making a million dollars by rocking two turntables and a microphone.

Photoshop, InDesign, Microsoft Word: Computers have made our jobs a great deal easier. They’ve also, however, turned us into glassy eyed monkeys who spend most of our workday staring at monitors and watching inane video clips made by people with way too much time on their hands. So here’s an idea: Get off the computer today. Grab your notebook and a pencil, and see if you still remember how to work those bad boys.

Your Lucky Pie Flavor: Boysenberry
Your Lucky Sociological Term: Petite bourgeoisie

Your Creative Horoscope is a registered trademark of Jenny Nicholson is super awesome, LLC and is for entertainment purposes only. Giant finger calluses that might result from over-enthusiastic use of pens, pencils, markers or other writing utensils are the sole responsibility of people who press too hard when they write. Any actual predictions of the future are accidental and not a reflection of the psychic powers of Jenny Nicholson is super awesome, LLC, unless said prediction involves Jenny Nicholson is super awesome, LLC somehow getting on CNN and being able to utter the phrase “petite bourgeoisie” without snickering a little bit.

The iPhone comes out today. It’s not worth it.

Your Lucky Bagel Flavor: Everything
Your Lucky Mid-century Modern Designer: Noguchi

Your Creative Horoscope is a registered trademark of Jenny Nicholson is super awesome, LLC and is for entertainment purposes only. If you are one of the over-eager people who rush to buy the iPhone today, you’ll regret it in a few months when it becomes a) better and b) available in 40 different colors. Any actual predictions of the future are accidental and not a reflection of the psychic powers of Jenny Nicholson is super awesome, LLC, unless said prediction involves Jenny Nicholson is super awesome, LLC landing a job like John and Yoko where she just sits in a giant white bed and preaches about world peace.

Remember that kid from middle school, the one who was so convinced everyone was trying to steal his glory that, whenever he was taking a test, he would curl his chubby little arm protectively around his Scantron, to make absolutely sure his answers were safe from the prying eyes of his peers? Don’t be that kid.

Your Lucky Poorly-Conceived ‘80s Toy: The Sit ‘n’ Spin
Your Lucky Preventative Exam: Colonoscopy

Your Creative Horoscope is a registered trademark of Jenny Nicholson is super awesome, LLC and is for entertainment purposes only. Though it has been rumored otherwise, there has been no actual evidence to confirm that Jenny Nicholson is super awesome, LLC was, at one time, that kid. Any actual predictions of the future are accidental and not a reflection of the psychic powers of Jenny Nicholson is super awesome, LLC, unless said prediction involves Jenny Nicholson is super awesome, LLC discovering the ability to read the minds of common household pets.

Being creative on demand is pretty hard. And today it might feel like you just don’t have anything left. That’s why you need to get out. Stop staring at that blank page and reconnect with the world. Head to the playground and rediscover the childlike joy of swinging as high as you can. Roll down your car windows, turn up the stereo and sing along at the top of your lungs. And If you see a lonely hitchhiker on the side of the road – why not pick him up? Inspiration comes in all kinds of packages.

Your Lucky Washed-Up Child Star: Emmanuel Lewis
Your Lucky Johnny Cash Song: “Get Rhythm”


Your Creative Horoscope is a registered trademark of Jenny Nicholson is super awesome, LLC and is for entertainment purposes only. Unfortunate encounters with hitchhikers who may look lonely, but are actually bloodthirsty maniacs looking for someone to dismember with a Swiss Army knife are the sole responsibility of drivers who are poor judges of character. Any actual predictions of the future are accidental and not a reflection of the psychic powers of Jenny Nicholson is super awesome, LLC, unless said prediction involves Jenny Nicholson is super awesome, LLC somehow convincing the producers at WBEZ Chicago that she should be the Voice of This American Life instead of Ira Glass.

Sometimes the grass isn’t actually greener on the other side. And those people, over there, across the street, telling you how awesome it is where they are? Those people are usually lying. They just want someone to share their misery. So instead of gazing around at distant pastures and imagining how sweet your life could be somewhere else, try lying back, looking at the clouds and enjoying the little patch of grass that’s yours. Just watch out for cow patties.

Your Lucky Performance-Enhancing Drug: Modafinil
Your Lucky Spam Subject Line: Olny this 5 days special price on pharma for you dear customer


Your Creative Horoscope is a registered trademark of Jenny Nicholson is super awesome, LLC and is for entertainment purposes only. Encounters with cow patties of the figurative and/or literal variety are the sole responsibility of people who don’t look where they are sitting. Any actual predictions of the future are accidental and not a reflection of the psychic powers of Jenny Nicholson is super awesome, LLC, unless said prediction involves Jenny Nicholson is super awesome, LLC finding a dusty book in an attic and ending up riding a luck dragon and saying the name of a certain princess (which may or may not be Moonbeam), thus saving the tiny speck of dust representing all that is left of Fantasia.

There are some days when you’re like Midas and everything you touch turns to gold. But sometimes you’re more like Mr. Hankey, the Christmas Poo, and no matter what you do, you leave a little smear of crap behind you. I probably don’t have to tell you what kind of day today’s going to be. Hidey ho!

Your Lucky Fruit-Eating Carnivore: Binturong
Your Lucky Defense Mechanism: Sublimation


Your Creative Horoscope is a registered trademark of Jenny Nicholson is super awesome, LLC and is for entertainment purposes only. Fiber is good for you, but don’t eat too much of it or you’ll be Mr. Hankey in more than the metaphorical way. Which would be gross. Any actual predictions of the future are accidental and not a reflection of the psychic powers of Jenny Nicholson is super awesome, LLC, unless said prediction involves Jenny Nicholson is super awesome, LLC going on Jeopardy and making it all the way to the Tournament of Champions and breaking the Jeopardy record and saying “IN YOUR FACE KEN JENNINGS.”

It’s the second day of summer. And you’re at work. Remember back when you were a kid and summer stretched ahead of you, filled with endless possibilities and no responsibility until fall? That was awesome, wasn’t it? But you also had to go to bed when it was practically light outside and weren’t allowed to watch rated R movies. So suck it up, grown-up, and get back to work. Those ads aren’t gonna make themselves.

Your Lucky Geological Period: Cretaceous
Your Lucky 80s Television Star: Punky Brewster


Your Creative Horoscope is a registered trademark of Jenny Nicholson is super awesome, LLC and is for entertainment purposes only. Faking a spontaneous regression to childhood may sound good at first, but will quickly lose its appeal when one is given their first time-out. Any actual predictions of the future are accidental and not a reflection of the psychic powers of Jenny Nicholson is super awesome, LLC, unless said prediction involves Jenny Nicholson is super awesome, LLC finally figuring out how to see the 3D image in those damn Magic Eye thingies.

It has been said that Bill Bernbach always kept a piece of paper in his pocket that read, “They might be right.” And that’s usually a pretty good thing to keep in mind. But not today. Today, you are right. You are right right right. No matter what anyone says, you are right. They are wrong. And if they try to say anything, just inform them of how wrong they are. “You are wrong. I am right.” That is your mantra for today. You are right in every way. And doesn’t it feel good?

Your Lucky Diet Drug Side Effect: Anal Leakage
Your Lucky Phobia: Arachibutyrophobia (Fear of peanut butter sticking to the roof of the mouth)


Your Creative Horoscope is a registered trademark of Jenny Nicholson is super awesome, LLC and is for entertainment purposes only. There are a lot of very strange phobias in this world and picking one was awfully difficult. Any actual predictions of the future are accidental and not a reflection of the psychic powers of Jenny Nicholson is super awesome, LLC, unless said prediction involves Jenny Nicholson is super awesome, LLC waking up to find she has become a world-renowned gangster rapper and rolling down the street smoking indo, sipping on gin and juice.

Roadkill is never a good omen. And the number of squooshed animals on the highways this morning suggests that it’s going to be the kind of day where precious, innocent things get killed. Like your ideas. If you have a client presentation scheduled, you might want to get it changed. Tell them you sprained your appendix or something. If you can’t avoid it and you get in there and your idea doesn’t die a horrible, bloody death – bad news bears, my friends. Because you might just have a zombie idea on your hands, the kind that will sap your energy, drain your soul and leave you a hollow, empty shell. Oh, and it will eat your brains.

Your Lucky Breakfast Cereal: Special K w/ Yogurt Thingies
Your Lucky White Collar Criminal: Michael Milken


Your Creative Horoscope is a registered trademark of Jenny Nicholson is super awesome, LLC and is for entertainment purposes only. In the event of a zombie idea attack, try confronting the zombie idea and yelling, “I came here to kick ass and chew bubble gum and I’m ALL OUT OF BUBBLE GUM” (which may not work but, hey, I’m a seer, not a zombie fighter. Geez). Any actual predictions of the future are accidental and not a reflection of the psychic powers of Jenny Nicholson is super awesome, LLC, unless said prediction involves Jenny Nicholson is super awesome, LLC figuring out the family secret behind Bush’s Baked Beans, so that guy can quit arguing with his golden retriever.

The sun is in direct line with the third quadrant of Aquarius, which means you should be feeling on top of the world today. Harness that positive energy and use it to ignite your creative with a furious passion. Or see if you can stare so hard at your post-it pad that you incinerate it with only the awesome power of your mind. And if you’re not feeling 100% awesome? Well, there must be something wrong with you.

Your Lucky Herb with a Somewhat Dirty Name: Cumin
Your Lucky Plague: Locusts


Your Creative Horoscope is a registered trademark of Jenny Nicholson is super awesome, LLC and is for entertainment purposes only. Gigantic fireballs resulting from heretofore undiscovered telekinetic powers are the sole responsibility of the fireball producer, who should have seen Firestarter and thus should be aware that telekinetic fireballs are nothing to mess around with. Any actual predictions of the future are accidental and not a reflection of the psychic powers of Jenny Nicholson is super awesome, LLC, unless said prediction involves Jenny Nicholson is super awesome, LLC producing a gigantic mountain of 100 dollar bills and Hostess cupcakes using only the awesome powers of her mind.

Award show season is coming to an end, so you know by now whether you were a winner or a…not-winner. For those of you who won, bravo. (But keep your girlish enthusiasm to a minimum, because nobody wants to hear about it.) Those of you who didn’t – don’t let it get you down. You can’t predict what the juries will like and you can’t change the votes. But you can focus on doing great work right now. You can remind yourself that it’s about the ideas, not about the metal. And, if all else fails, you can get some yellow playdoh and tell everyone that you don’t need any stupid lion, because you can just build your own. Besides, French food upsets your stomach.

Your Lucky Artificial Fragrance: Cucumber Melon
Your Lucky Fathers’ Day Gift: Automatic Revolving Tie Rack


Your Creative Horoscope is a registered trademark of Jenny Nicholson is super awesome, LLC and is for entertainment purposes only. Accidents resulting from improper use of automatic revolving tie racks are the sole responsibility of the user as everyone knows those things are death traps. Any actual predictions of the future are accidental and not a reflection of the psychic powers of Jenny Nicholson is super awesome, LLC, unless said prediction involves Jenny Nicholson is super awesome, LLC winning a real, live lion that she can tame and ride around the backyard.

As the eminent sage Julius Erving once said, “Being professional means doing the thing you love to do, especially on the days you don’t want to do it.” Ain’t that the truth? It takes a bad-ass to come up with an idea, protect that idea, and keep making that idea better, even in the face of endless revisions that inflame every artistic cell in your body. But remember – you’re not an artist. You’re a professional. So when your client picks apart your idea and puts it back together in some form that makes you want to cry – take it like a (wo)man. Listen respectfully, say things like “Hmmm” and “I hear what you’re saying” and “We’ll take a look at that.” Then go into your office, close the door and spend the rest of the day bitching about how nobody understands your genius.

Your Lucky Adhesive: Booger Glue
Your Lucky Casserole: Green Bean


Your Creative Horoscope is a registered trademark of Jenny Nicholson is super awesome, LLC and is for entertainment purposes only. Any outbursts of an unprofessional nature are solely the responsibility of the whiny babies who can’t keep their shit together. Any actual predictions of the future are accidental and not a reflection of the psychic powers of Jenny Nicholson is super awesome, LLC, unless said prediction involves Jenny Nicholson is super awesome, LLC suddenly discovering that a long-lost relative has left her a frajillion dollars, so she never has to pretend to be a professional again.

At first glance, it may appear that the Creative Horoscope is late today. But could it be that you are just running early? Today is a day to question your perceptions, to wonder if maybe the way you think things are isn’t the only possibility. To dare to be wrong instead of clinging to the superiority of being right. Or today might be a day to, when you are running late, try to play weird mind games with the people who arrived on time. Whichever.

Your Lucky Letter: Q
Your Lucky Antibiotic: Keflex


Your Creative Horoscope is a registered trademark of Jenny Nicholson is super awesome, LLC and is for entertainment purposes only. Whether the Creative Horoscope is late or you are early, the world is still a pretty neat place. Any actual predictions of the future are accidental and not a reflection of the psychic powers of Jenny Nicholson is super awesome, LLC, unless said prediction involves Jenny Nicholson is super awesome, LLC waking up to find that she can fly and/or spontaneously generate sugary breakfast cereals using just the power of her mind.

This is going to be one of those days where the ideas flow from your head like water from an overfilled gutter – the key phrase being “gutter”. Sure, you’ll have plenty of ideas. It’s just that most of them will be crap. But don’t let that stop you. Throw up one of those giant brainstorming sticky note thingies, grab a marker and spew your garbage onto that bad boy. Because even crap looks impressive when it’s scribbled on a giant sticky note thing.

Your Lucky Scandal: Clarence Thomas and Anita Hill
Your Lucky Vertebrae: C4


Your Creative Horoscope is a registered trademark of Jenny Nicholson is super awesome, LLC and is for entertainment purposes only. Genius that is accidentally dismissed as crap is the sole responsibility of the dismisser and their lack of vision. Any actual predictions of the future are accidental and not a reflection of the psychic powers of Jenny Nicholson is super awesome, LLC, unless said prediction involves Jenny Nicholson is super awesome, LLC swimming in a giant pool of money like Scrooge McDuck.

Going out to lunch is good. Sitting at your desk, eating an energy bar and hoping that you’ll come up with some amazement – not nearly as good. Energy bars taste like crap and make you thirsty and everyone knows they’re basically candy bars that call themselves health food because there’s some dude rock climbing on the package. So go to lunch, laugh a little, eat some French fries and let your brain do its thing without you getting in the way. And if anybody asks? Tell them you’re filling your well and your stomach at the same time. Hello efficiency.

Your Lucky Vegetable: Brussels sprouts
Your Lucky Chore: Cleaning the bathroom mirror


Your Creative Horoscope is a registered trademark of Jenny Nicholson is super awesome, LLC and is for entertainment purposes only. Extra pounds and Lean Cuisine wastage are the sole responsibility of the lunch-goer. You could always order a salad, you know. Any actual predictions of the future are accidental and not a reflection of the psychic powers of Jenny Nicholson is super awesome, LLC, unless said prediction involves Jenny Nicholson is super awesome, LLC waking up with the cycling skills of Lance Armstrong and winning the Tour de France without doping of any kind.

Today you may feel that, like a giant birthday cake, everyone wants a piece of you. But that’s the price of being awesome. Unfortunately, being a “go to” person usually results in people, well, going to you. Sure, if the pressure is too much, you could become a little less reliable, a little less awesome – but that wouldn’t be your style. So keep doing your thing and, if you get overwhelmed, just think of the Maytag repairman, sitting alone, waiting for a call that never comes. That would totally suck.

Your Lucky Newscaster: Charlie Gibson
Your Lucky Breakfast Item: Toast


Your Creative Horoscope is a registered trademark of Jenny Nicholson is super awesome, LLC and is for entertainment purposes only. Explosions resulting from awesomeness so great it cannot be contained in one person are the sole responsibility of the exploding persons. Any actual predictions of the future are accidental and not a reflection of the psychic powers of Jenny Nicholson is super awesome, LLC, unless said prediction involves Jenny Nicholson is super awesome, LLC sitting on a beach in Barbados with a drink in a coconut and an attractive cabana boy named Pierre.

You know that old saying “TGIF”? Well the astrological charts don’t, which means they don’t give a crap about your Friday excitement. So watch out, because today’s going to be one of those fifty pounds of poo in a five-pound bag™ kind of day. But hold on tight, keep shoveling and remember: you’re almost to the weekend. Plus, if you work really hard, you might come up with something amazing. Because if coal can become a diamond, surely you can make gold out of the stuff that’s sitting in front of you.

Your Lucky Skin Disease: Impetigo
Your Lucky Golden Girl: Blanche


Your Creative Horoscope is a registered trademark of Jenny Nicholson is super awesome, LLC and is for entertainment purposes only. “50 pounds of poo in a five-pound bag” is not a licensed trademark of Jenny Nicholson is super awesome LLC, but was first uttered by Jenny’s partner and Jenny Nicholson is super awesome, LLC believes in giving credit where it is due. Any actual predictions of the future are accidental and not a reflection of the psychic powers of Jenny Nicholson is super awesome, LLC, unless said prediction involves Jenny Nicholson is super awesome, LLC being crowned the grand emperor of the universe because, really, it’s about time.

It’s Thursday and we know what that means! Actually, I have no clue what that means. But I do know this: Thursday is one day before Friday, which is one day before the weekend, which means that, if you want to actually have a weekend, you better get to work. Because you can’t be self-righteous about working on Saturday if you’re only stuck working because you slacked off all week. So go forth and create today, so all you’ll be working on this weekend is a 6-pack of Corona and a family-size bag of Cool Ranch Doritos.

Your Lucky Deadly Sin: Avarice
Your Lucky Appliance: Motion-Activated Soap Dispenser


Your Creative Horoscope is a registered trademark of Jenny Nicholson is super awesome, LLC and is for entertainment purposes only. Anyone stuck working this weekend through no fault of their own is entitled to as much self-righteousness as they deem appropriate. Any actual predictions of the future are accidental and not a reflection of the psychic powers of Jenny Nicholson is super awesome, LLC, unless said prediction involves a Maserati that goes 185 and a limo where I can ride in the back, just in case I lose my license and can’t drive.

Mars dominates the charts this morning, which means you'll probably feel strong and successful today. That or be embroiled in battles of will, power struggles and other aggressive conflicts. You know, whichever. The best response to such mixed astrological messages? Read The Art of War. Whether you’re basking in glory or just trying to keep your head above water, Sun Tzu can help. Besides, as any planner will tell you, even the best creative needs a strategy.

Your Lucky Mammal: Hedgehog
Your Lucky Hobby: Stamp-Collecting


Your Creative Horoscope is a registered trademark of Jenny Nicholson is super awesome, LLC and is for entertainment purposes only. Any creative breakthroughs or brawls that may occur today are the sole responsibility of the parties involved. And Mars, because everyone knows that planet is all about war. Any actual predictions of the future are accidental and not a reflection of the psychic powers of Jenny Nicholson is super awesome, LLC, unless said prediction involves a no-strings-attached fling between Brad Pitt and Jenny Nicholson is super awesome, LLC. Because that would be pretty cool.

Today is your day. Whatever great ideas you’ve been holding back, it’s time to loose them upon the world and let your genius shine. Forget your concerns about looking stupid – there’s no such thing as a stupid idea. Okay, that’s totally a lie. Some ideas are admittedly kind of stupid, but you’ll never know if yours is one of them unless you open yourself up to the possible derision of your peers. And, with the stars smiling on you, there’s no better time to take your chances.

Your Lucky Adverb: Stealthily
Your Lucky Color: Olive Green


Your Creative Horoscope is a registered trademark of Jenny Nicholson is super awesome, LLC and is for entertainment purposes only. Any ideas that seemed good in your head but turned out to be stupid once uttered aloud are the sole responsibility of the speaker. Any actual predictions of the future are accidental and not a reflection of the psychic powers of Jenny Nicholson is super awesome, LLC, unless said prediction involves the rescue of a child from a well, in which case any professions of adoration or awards for heroism should be directed to Jenny Nicholson is super awesome, LLC.

Today might pose a challenge to your creative faculties. The waning of the moon, combined with the lingering remnants of the weekend’s festivities compete with the sun shining outside to distract you from the creative tasks at hand. But before you give in and retire to your backyard with a novel, remember: If you sit outside while you work, it almost doesn’t feel like work at all. With Mercury rising, the combination of your brain, a few sun rays and a notebook just might result in the best work you’ve ever done.

Your Lucky Number: 4,310
Your Lucky Beverage: Mountain Dew


Your Creative Horoscope is a registered trademark of Jenny Nicholson is super awesome, LLC and is for entertainment purposes only. Any damages resulting from bruised egos, writers block, procrastination, amazing success gained too soon, worldwide notoriety, sunburn, Mountain Dew overdose or sprained pinkie fingers are the responsibility of individual readers alone. Any actual predictions of the future are accidental and not a reflection of the psychic powers of Jenny Nicholson is super awesome, LLC, unless said prediction involves money, in which case the recipient of said money is hereby obligated to transfer 80% of their windfall to Jenny Nicholson is super awesome, LLC.