If you’re feeling a little slow today, don’t let it get you down. Maybe the rest of the world is just in too damn much of a hurry. Those jerks.

Your Lucky Cheese Flavor: Pepper Jack
Your Lucky Character Descriptor Some Men Haven’t Embraced: Precious


Your Creative Horoscope is a registered trademark of Jenny Nicholson is super awesome, LLC and is for entertainment purposes only. People who run around in a hurry all the time have an increased risk of tripping on a shoelace and falling on their face. Any actual predictions of the future are accidental and not a reflection of the psychic powers of Jenny Nicholson is super awesome, LLC, unless said prediction involves Jenny Nicholson is super awesome, LLC making friends with a giant friendly gorilla who speaks sign language. Oh and it should probably involve Jenny Nicholson is super awesome, LLC learning sign language first.

If you ever worry that nobody loves you, try this: Go away for a couple days and see if anyone notices.

Your Lucky Soup Side Effect: Clears Out Your Sinuses
Your Lucky Costume Women Need to Stop Wearing: Sexy Cat


Your Creative Horoscope is a registered trademark of Jenny Nicholson is super awesome, LLC and is for entertainment purposes only. Jenny Nicholson is super awesome, LLC would totally notice if you just up and disappeared. At least after a week or two. Any actual predictions of the future are accidental and not a reflection of the psychic powers of Jenny Nicholson is super awesome, LLC, unless said prediction involves Jenny Nicholson is super awesome, LLC getting a new dishwasher that doesn’t leave everything smelling strangely like hot milk.

It often feels like the rest of the world is out to get you. Today they are. So revel in the fact that, for once, it’s everyone else’s issue and not a reflection of your own paranoid delusions.

Your Lucky Torture Strategy: Paper Cuts in Sensitive Places
Your Lucky Call-to-Arms: “I’M MAD AS HELL AND I’M NOT GOING TO TAKE THIS ANYMORE!!!!”


Your Creative Horoscope is a registered trademark of Jenny Nicholson is super awesome, LLC and is for entertainment purposes only. Jenny Nicholson is super awesome, LLC is not paranoid. The tin foil hat she wears at home is just a fun accessory. And you know, you can never be too protected. Any actual predictions of the future are accidental and not a reflection of the psychic powers of Jenny Nicholson is super awesome, LLC, unless said prediction involves Jenny Nicholson is super awesome, LLC evolving the ability to live without sleep, thereby being able to both succeed at her job and clean her house. And maybe even do some laundry too.

In this business, downtime is pretty hard to come by. So today, you might want to think about how you use yours. Sure, it might sound good to sit on the couch and stare vacantly at the television while stuffing your face with handfuls of Crunch ‘n’ Munch, but that only feeds your mouth. What about your soul?

Your Lucky Mosquito-Borne Disease: Dengue Fever
Your Lucky Gag Gift: Fake Pile of Vomit


Your Creative Horoscope is a registered trademark of Jenny Nicholson is super awesome, LLC and is for entertainment purposes only. Jenny Nicholson is super awesome, LLC has never sat on the couch, staring vacantly at the television while stuffing her face with Crunch ‘n’ Munch. She’s more of a Poppycock kind of girl. Any actual predictions of the future are accidental and not a reflection of the psychic powers of Jenny Nicholson is super awesome, LLC, unless said prediction involves Jenny Nicholson is super awesome, LLC starting a new art form that looks like crudely drawn stick figures but is lauded by critics as a deep investigation into the true meaning of talent.

It’s Monday. So if you feel like maybe you just want to relax and be a little lazy about things, that’s just fine.

Your Lucky Hangover Remedy: Gatorade and a Banana
Your Lucky Hangover Prevention: Stay Home


Your Creative Horoscope is a registered trademark of Jenny Nicholson is super awesome, LLC and is for entertainment purposes only. Jenny Nicholson is super awesome, LLC never gives anything less than 137% effort, no matter what day of the week it may be. So even if it appears that she is being a bit lazy, it’s probably all in your head. Any actual predictions of the future are accidental and not a reflection of the psychic powers of Jenny Nicholson is super awesome, LLC, unless said prediction involves Jenny Nicholson is super awesome, LLC buying a product off an infomercial and discovering that it is actually MORE amazing than it appeared at 3am on TLC.

Say what you want about advertising being the engine of commerce. When it comes down to it, we work in a business whose entire purpose is to convince people to buy things they probably don’t need, by promising that the product we’re pushing will make them smarter, healthier, more likable, and just plain happier than they are right now. If that doesn’t gnaw at you a little bit, more power to you. But if it does, maybe it’s time to start thinking about what you can do to give back to humanity. You can start here: www.volunteermatch.org

Your Lucky Tragic Rock Star: Gram Parsons
Your Lucky Seemingly Invincible Rock Star: Keith Richards


Your Creative Horoscope is a registered trademark of Jenny Nicholson is super awesome, LLC and is for entertainment purposes only. Jenny Nicholson is super awesome, LLC sometimes feels guilty that she’s a better copywriter than a social worker, but usually is just really happy she’s not doing that anymore. Any actual predictions of the future are accidental and not a reflection of the psychic powers of Jenny Nicholson is super awesome, LLC, unless said prediction involves Jenny Nicholson is super awesome, LLC going on a world tour with her all-girl ukulele band.

You may have a lot on your mind today. The thoughts spinning around in your head might feel really deep and important and existentially critical. Truth is, they’re probably not. So you might as well think of something else, like hedgehogs and how cute they are. I’ve even included a visual aid to help you out: Check it out.

Can you say, “Awwww”?

Your Lucky Fake-Healthy Trend: Vitamin Water
Your Lucky Nostalgic Aroma: Elmer’s School Glue


Your Creative Horoscope is a registered trademark of Jenny Nicholson is super awesome, LLC and is for entertainment purposes only. Jenny Nicholson is super awesome, LLC would already be the proud owner of an adorable pet hedgehog, but apparently her home is not a democracy. Besides, her dog would probably eat it in one bite. Any actual predictions of the future are accidental and not a reflection of the psychic powers of Jenny Nicholson is super awesome, LLC, unless said prediction involves Jenny Nicholson is super awesome, LLC making a frajillion dollars on a breakthrough new product called “MineralWater.”

Sometimes life feels overwhelming. Some days, you might you wish you could just burrow under the covers and stay there all day. But you know what? Life is supposed to be overwhelming. That’s part of what makes it different from being dead. Which is not necessarily overwhelming, but not all that fun either.

Your Lucky Misunderstood Hobby: Short Wave Radio Construction
Your Lucky Word that Substitutes for a Bad One: “Fracking”


Your Creative Horoscope is a registered trademark of Jenny Nicholson is super awesome, LLC and is for entertainment purposes only. Jenny Nicholson is super awesome, LLC does not no for sure whether or not being dead is fun, but is willing to wait a while before she finds out. Any actual predictions of the future are accidental and not a reflection of the psychic powers of Jenny Nicholson is super awesome, LLC, unless said prediction involves Jenny Nicholson is super awesome, learning to actually enjoy the taste of water instead of forcing it down in a vain attempt to be “healthful.”

Today is the ides of October. Add an “a” and what do you get? That’s right, ideas. Don’t say I never gave you anything.

Your Lucky Psuedo-Wine: Boone’s Farm Fuzzy Navel
Your Lucky Happy Gilmore Quote: “The price is WRONG, bitch!”


Your Creative Horoscope is a registered trademark of Jenny Nicholson is super awesome, LLC and is for entertainment purposes only. One could also add an “l” to “ides” and end up with “idles,” but you probably don’t need to read that much into it. Any actual predictions of the future are accidental and not a reflection of the psychic powers of Jenny Nicholson is super awesome, LLC, unless said prediction involves Jenny Nicholson is super awesome, LLC finally understanding all the subtext in Donnie Darko.

You can choose to be a raincloud or you can decide to be a bright, shining ray of sunshine. Today’s one of those days when you’ve got the chance to shed a little warmth and light on people who might be having a gloomy kind of time. Of course, that might get you punched in the face, but nobody said being happy was easy.

Your Lucky Starbucks Beverage: Iced Passion Tea, Shaken with a Little Sugar
Your Lucky Addictive But Pretty Time-Waster: Pretty Photo Hunt


Your Creative Horoscope is a registered trademark of Jenny Nicholson is super awesome, LLC and is for entertainment purposes only. Nobody has ever actually inflicted physical violence upon Jenny Nicholson is super awesome, LLC in response to her relentless cheer, but it has been threatened once or twice. Any actual predictions of the future are accidental and not a reflection of the psychic powers of Jenny Nicholson is super awesome, LLC, unless said prediction involves Jenny Nicholson is super awesome, LLC, finding enough time to write the novel that will surely launch her into the literary stratosphere. Or at least enable her to say, “Hey, I’m a novelist!”

If you find yourself feeling a little sluggish today, make sure you’re drinking enough water. Fatigue is a common symptom of dehydration. And also of pathological laziness.

Your Lucky Morbidly Adorable Comic: The Book of Bunny Suicides
Your Lucky Annoying Jingle That Gets Stuck in Your Head: “Meow Meow Meow Meow Meow Meow Moew…”


Your Creative Horoscope is a registered trademark of Jenny Nicholson is super awesome, LLC and is for entertainment purposes only. Fish oil supplements can also help increase energy levels, but make sure you get the capsules with the “FEWER FISH BURPS” starburst on the bottle. Any actual predictions of the future are accidental and not a reflection of the psychic powers of Jenny Nicholson is super awesome, LLC, unless said prediction involves Jenny Nicholson is super awesome, LLC, becoming the nation’s poet laureate and commemorating the honor by speaking only in haiku.

Sometimes it’s easy to take things personally. Especially in a business where you turn your head inside out and display it for everyone to see in the thinly veiled form of a “concept.” But try not to. Next time someone says, “Eh, I don’t think this is working,” do whatever you can to avoid translating that into “You suck and I hate you.” But if someone says something like “Your new haircut looks like a cat pooped on your head and tried to cover the evidence” – well, that’s personal.

Your Lucky Jackson Browne Song: “The Load-Out”
Your Lucky Word Everyone Seems to Hate: Moist


Your Creative Horoscope is a registered trademark of Jenny Nicholson is super awesome, LLC and is for entertainment purposes only. The whole “cat poop haircut” thing was purely hypothetical. Your hair looks great. Really. Any actual predictions of the future are accidental and not a reflection of the psychic powers of Jenny Nicholson is super awesome, LLC, unless said prediction involves Jenny Nicholson is super awesome, LLC, becoming the new spokesperson for OxiClean and getting to make giant messes then magically clean them up, no scrubbing necessary.

Your intellectual prowess can easily intimidate others. Which is normally A-okay. But today, you might want to dumb it down some. You know, for the little people.

Your Lucky Side Effect of Dog Ownership: Fur Tumbleweeds
Your Lucky Underappreciated Vegetable: Okra


Your Creative Horoscope is a registered trademark of Jenny Nicholson is super awesome, LLC and is for entertainment purposes only. Anything that might look like lack of intelligence on the part of Jenny Nicholson is super awesome, LLC is actually the shield she’s built to spare you the blistering heat of her true intellect. Any actual predictions of the future are accidental and not a reflection of the psychic powers of Jenny Nicholson is super awesome, LLC, unless said prediction involves Jenny Nicholson is super awesome, LLC, figuring out the scientific explanation for why cats curl their paws under and sit in that adorable loaf configuration.

The eminent Abraham Lincoln once said, “Better to remain silent and be thought a fool than to speak out and remove all doubt.” But what did he know? Go ahead and say whatever’s on your mind. I’m sure we’re all dying to know.

Your Lucky Sign of the Impending Apocalypse: MTV’s The Hills
Your Lucky Bit of Literary Nostalgia: Ramona Quimby, Age 8


Your Creative Horoscope is a registered trademark of Jenny Nicholson is super awesome, LLC and is for entertainment purposes only. If Ramona Quimby has taught us anything, it’s that one should always check to see if their egg is indeed hard-boiled before cracking it upon one’s head. Which, if you think about it, isn’t that far off from Honest Abe’s advice. Any actual predictions of the future are accidental and not a reflection of the psychic powers of Jenny Nicholson is super awesome, LLC, unless said prediction involves Jenny Nicholson is super awesome, LLC, harnessing the power of the sun and doing a kind of reverse Charlie Brown thing where instead of a little rain cloud following her around, she is ialways enveloped in a buttery yellow ray of sunshine.