The iPhone comes out today. It’s not worth it.

Your Lucky Bagel Flavor: Everything
Your Lucky Mid-century Modern Designer: Noguchi

Your Creative Horoscope is a registered trademark of Jenny Nicholson is super awesome, LLC and is for entertainment purposes only. If you are one of the over-eager people who rush to buy the iPhone today, you’ll regret it in a few months when it becomes a) better and b) available in 40 different colors. Any actual predictions of the future are accidental and not a reflection of the psychic powers of Jenny Nicholson is super awesome, LLC, unless said prediction involves Jenny Nicholson is super awesome, LLC landing a job like John and Yoko where she just sits in a giant white bed and preaches about world peace.

Remember that kid from middle school, the one who was so convinced everyone was trying to steal his glory that, whenever he was taking a test, he would curl his chubby little arm protectively around his Scantron, to make absolutely sure his answers were safe from the prying eyes of his peers? Don’t be that kid.

Your Lucky Poorly-Conceived ‘80s Toy: The Sit ‘n’ Spin
Your Lucky Preventative Exam: Colonoscopy

Your Creative Horoscope is a registered trademark of Jenny Nicholson is super awesome, LLC and is for entertainment purposes only. Though it has been rumored otherwise, there has been no actual evidence to confirm that Jenny Nicholson is super awesome, LLC was, at one time, that kid. Any actual predictions of the future are accidental and not a reflection of the psychic powers of Jenny Nicholson is super awesome, LLC, unless said prediction involves Jenny Nicholson is super awesome, LLC discovering the ability to read the minds of common household pets.

Being creative on demand is pretty hard. And today it might feel like you just don’t have anything left. That’s why you need to get out. Stop staring at that blank page and reconnect with the world. Head to the playground and rediscover the childlike joy of swinging as high as you can. Roll down your car windows, turn up the stereo and sing along at the top of your lungs. And If you see a lonely hitchhiker on the side of the road – why not pick him up? Inspiration comes in all kinds of packages.

Your Lucky Washed-Up Child Star: Emmanuel Lewis
Your Lucky Johnny Cash Song: “Get Rhythm”


Your Creative Horoscope is a registered trademark of Jenny Nicholson is super awesome, LLC and is for entertainment purposes only. Unfortunate encounters with hitchhikers who may look lonely, but are actually bloodthirsty maniacs looking for someone to dismember with a Swiss Army knife are the sole responsibility of drivers who are poor judges of character. Any actual predictions of the future are accidental and not a reflection of the psychic powers of Jenny Nicholson is super awesome, LLC, unless said prediction involves Jenny Nicholson is super awesome, LLC somehow convincing the producers at WBEZ Chicago that she should be the Voice of This American Life instead of Ira Glass.

Sometimes the grass isn’t actually greener on the other side. And those people, over there, across the street, telling you how awesome it is where they are? Those people are usually lying. They just want someone to share their misery. So instead of gazing around at distant pastures and imagining how sweet your life could be somewhere else, try lying back, looking at the clouds and enjoying the little patch of grass that’s yours. Just watch out for cow patties.

Your Lucky Performance-Enhancing Drug: Modafinil
Your Lucky Spam Subject Line: Olny this 5 days special price on pharma for you dear customer


Your Creative Horoscope is a registered trademark of Jenny Nicholson is super awesome, LLC and is for entertainment purposes only. Encounters with cow patties of the figurative and/or literal variety are the sole responsibility of people who don’t look where they are sitting. Any actual predictions of the future are accidental and not a reflection of the psychic powers of Jenny Nicholson is super awesome, LLC, unless said prediction involves Jenny Nicholson is super awesome, LLC finding a dusty book in an attic and ending up riding a luck dragon and saying the name of a certain princess (which may or may not be Moonbeam), thus saving the tiny speck of dust representing all that is left of Fantasia.

There are some days when you’re like Midas and everything you touch turns to gold. But sometimes you’re more like Mr. Hankey, the Christmas Poo, and no matter what you do, you leave a little smear of crap behind you. I probably don’t have to tell you what kind of day today’s going to be. Hidey ho!

Your Lucky Fruit-Eating Carnivore: Binturong
Your Lucky Defense Mechanism: Sublimation


Your Creative Horoscope is a registered trademark of Jenny Nicholson is super awesome, LLC and is for entertainment purposes only. Fiber is good for you, but don’t eat too much of it or you’ll be Mr. Hankey in more than the metaphorical way. Which would be gross. Any actual predictions of the future are accidental and not a reflection of the psychic powers of Jenny Nicholson is super awesome, LLC, unless said prediction involves Jenny Nicholson is super awesome, LLC going on Jeopardy and making it all the way to the Tournament of Champions and breaking the Jeopardy record and saying “IN YOUR FACE KEN JENNINGS.”

It’s the second day of summer. And you’re at work. Remember back when you were a kid and summer stretched ahead of you, filled with endless possibilities and no responsibility until fall? That was awesome, wasn’t it? But you also had to go to bed when it was practically light outside and weren’t allowed to watch rated R movies. So suck it up, grown-up, and get back to work. Those ads aren’t gonna make themselves.

Your Lucky Geological Period: Cretaceous
Your Lucky 80s Television Star: Punky Brewster


Your Creative Horoscope is a registered trademark of Jenny Nicholson is super awesome, LLC and is for entertainment purposes only. Faking a spontaneous regression to childhood may sound good at first, but will quickly lose its appeal when one is given their first time-out. Any actual predictions of the future are accidental and not a reflection of the psychic powers of Jenny Nicholson is super awesome, LLC, unless said prediction involves Jenny Nicholson is super awesome, LLC finally figuring out how to see the 3D image in those damn Magic Eye thingies.

It has been said that Bill Bernbach always kept a piece of paper in his pocket that read, “They might be right.” And that’s usually a pretty good thing to keep in mind. But not today. Today, you are right. You are right right right. No matter what anyone says, you are right. They are wrong. And if they try to say anything, just inform them of how wrong they are. “You are wrong. I am right.” That is your mantra for today. You are right in every way. And doesn’t it feel good?

Your Lucky Diet Drug Side Effect: Anal Leakage
Your Lucky Phobia: Arachibutyrophobia (Fear of peanut butter sticking to the roof of the mouth)


Your Creative Horoscope is a registered trademark of Jenny Nicholson is super awesome, LLC and is for entertainment purposes only. There are a lot of very strange phobias in this world and picking one was awfully difficult. Any actual predictions of the future are accidental and not a reflection of the psychic powers of Jenny Nicholson is super awesome, LLC, unless said prediction involves Jenny Nicholson is super awesome, LLC waking up to find she has become a world-renowned gangster rapper and rolling down the street smoking indo, sipping on gin and juice.

Roadkill is never a good omen. And the number of squooshed animals on the highways this morning suggests that it’s going to be the kind of day where precious, innocent things get killed. Like your ideas. If you have a client presentation scheduled, you might want to get it changed. Tell them you sprained your appendix or something. If you can’t avoid it and you get in there and your idea doesn’t die a horrible, bloody death – bad news bears, my friends. Because you might just have a zombie idea on your hands, the kind that will sap your energy, drain your soul and leave you a hollow, empty shell. Oh, and it will eat your brains.

Your Lucky Breakfast Cereal: Special K w/ Yogurt Thingies
Your Lucky White Collar Criminal: Michael Milken


Your Creative Horoscope is a registered trademark of Jenny Nicholson is super awesome, LLC and is for entertainment purposes only. In the event of a zombie idea attack, try confronting the zombie idea and yelling, “I came here to kick ass and chew bubble gum and I’m ALL OUT OF BUBBLE GUM” (which may not work but, hey, I’m a seer, not a zombie fighter. Geez). Any actual predictions of the future are accidental and not a reflection of the psychic powers of Jenny Nicholson is super awesome, LLC, unless said prediction involves Jenny Nicholson is super awesome, LLC figuring out the family secret behind Bush’s Baked Beans, so that guy can quit arguing with his golden retriever.

The sun is in direct line with the third quadrant of Aquarius, which means you should be feeling on top of the world today. Harness that positive energy and use it to ignite your creative with a furious passion. Or see if you can stare so hard at your post-it pad that you incinerate it with only the awesome power of your mind. And if you’re not feeling 100% awesome? Well, there must be something wrong with you.

Your Lucky Herb with a Somewhat Dirty Name: Cumin
Your Lucky Plague: Locusts


Your Creative Horoscope is a registered trademark of Jenny Nicholson is super awesome, LLC and is for entertainment purposes only. Gigantic fireballs resulting from heretofore undiscovered telekinetic powers are the sole responsibility of the fireball producer, who should have seen Firestarter and thus should be aware that telekinetic fireballs are nothing to mess around with. Any actual predictions of the future are accidental and not a reflection of the psychic powers of Jenny Nicholson is super awesome, LLC, unless said prediction involves Jenny Nicholson is super awesome, LLC producing a gigantic mountain of 100 dollar bills and Hostess cupcakes using only the awesome powers of her mind.

Award show season is coming to an end, so you know by now whether you were a winner or a…not-winner. For those of you who won, bravo. (But keep your girlish enthusiasm to a minimum, because nobody wants to hear about it.) Those of you who didn’t – don’t let it get you down. You can’t predict what the juries will like and you can’t change the votes. But you can focus on doing great work right now. You can remind yourself that it’s about the ideas, not about the metal. And, if all else fails, you can get some yellow playdoh and tell everyone that you don’t need any stupid lion, because you can just build your own. Besides, French food upsets your stomach.

Your Lucky Artificial Fragrance: Cucumber Melon
Your Lucky Fathers’ Day Gift: Automatic Revolving Tie Rack


Your Creative Horoscope is a registered trademark of Jenny Nicholson is super awesome, LLC and is for entertainment purposes only. Accidents resulting from improper use of automatic revolving tie racks are the sole responsibility of the user as everyone knows those things are death traps. Any actual predictions of the future are accidental and not a reflection of the psychic powers of Jenny Nicholson is super awesome, LLC, unless said prediction involves Jenny Nicholson is super awesome, LLC winning a real, live lion that she can tame and ride around the backyard.

As the eminent sage Julius Erving once said, “Being professional means doing the thing you love to do, especially on the days you don’t want to do it.” Ain’t that the truth? It takes a bad-ass to come up with an idea, protect that idea, and keep making that idea better, even in the face of endless revisions that inflame every artistic cell in your body. But remember – you’re not an artist. You’re a professional. So when your client picks apart your idea and puts it back together in some form that makes you want to cry – take it like a (wo)man. Listen respectfully, say things like “Hmmm” and “I hear what you’re saying” and “We’ll take a look at that.” Then go into your office, close the door and spend the rest of the day bitching about how nobody understands your genius.

Your Lucky Adhesive: Booger Glue
Your Lucky Casserole: Green Bean


Your Creative Horoscope is a registered trademark of Jenny Nicholson is super awesome, LLC and is for entertainment purposes only. Any outbursts of an unprofessional nature are solely the responsibility of the whiny babies who can’t keep their shit together. Any actual predictions of the future are accidental and not a reflection of the psychic powers of Jenny Nicholson is super awesome, LLC, unless said prediction involves Jenny Nicholson is super awesome, LLC suddenly discovering that a long-lost relative has left her a frajillion dollars, so she never has to pretend to be a professional again.

At first glance, it may appear that the Creative Horoscope is late today. But could it be that you are just running early? Today is a day to question your perceptions, to wonder if maybe the way you think things are isn’t the only possibility. To dare to be wrong instead of clinging to the superiority of being right. Or today might be a day to, when you are running late, try to play weird mind games with the people who arrived on time. Whichever.

Your Lucky Letter: Q
Your Lucky Antibiotic: Keflex


Your Creative Horoscope is a registered trademark of Jenny Nicholson is super awesome, LLC and is for entertainment purposes only. Whether the Creative Horoscope is late or you are early, the world is still a pretty neat place. Any actual predictions of the future are accidental and not a reflection of the psychic powers of Jenny Nicholson is super awesome, LLC, unless said prediction involves Jenny Nicholson is super awesome, LLC waking up to find that she can fly and/or spontaneously generate sugary breakfast cereals using just the power of her mind.

This is going to be one of those days where the ideas flow from your head like water from an overfilled gutter – the key phrase being “gutter”. Sure, you’ll have plenty of ideas. It’s just that most of them will be crap. But don’t let that stop you. Throw up one of those giant brainstorming sticky note thingies, grab a marker and spew your garbage onto that bad boy. Because even crap looks impressive when it’s scribbled on a giant sticky note thing.

Your Lucky Scandal: Clarence Thomas and Anita Hill
Your Lucky Vertebrae: C4


Your Creative Horoscope is a registered trademark of Jenny Nicholson is super awesome, LLC and is for entertainment purposes only. Genius that is accidentally dismissed as crap is the sole responsibility of the dismisser and their lack of vision. Any actual predictions of the future are accidental and not a reflection of the psychic powers of Jenny Nicholson is super awesome, LLC, unless said prediction involves Jenny Nicholson is super awesome, LLC swimming in a giant pool of money like Scrooge McDuck.

Going out to lunch is good. Sitting at your desk, eating an energy bar and hoping that you’ll come up with some amazement – not nearly as good. Energy bars taste like crap and make you thirsty and everyone knows they’re basically candy bars that call themselves health food because there’s some dude rock climbing on the package. So go to lunch, laugh a little, eat some French fries and let your brain do its thing without you getting in the way. And if anybody asks? Tell them you’re filling your well and your stomach at the same time. Hello efficiency.

Your Lucky Vegetable: Brussels sprouts
Your Lucky Chore: Cleaning the bathroom mirror


Your Creative Horoscope is a registered trademark of Jenny Nicholson is super awesome, LLC and is for entertainment purposes only. Extra pounds and Lean Cuisine wastage are the sole responsibility of the lunch-goer. You could always order a salad, you know. Any actual predictions of the future are accidental and not a reflection of the psychic powers of Jenny Nicholson is super awesome, LLC, unless said prediction involves Jenny Nicholson is super awesome, LLC waking up with the cycling skills of Lance Armstrong and winning the Tour de France without doping of any kind.

Today you may feel that, like a giant birthday cake, everyone wants a piece of you. But that’s the price of being awesome. Unfortunately, being a “go to” person usually results in people, well, going to you. Sure, if the pressure is too much, you could become a little less reliable, a little less awesome – but that wouldn’t be your style. So keep doing your thing and, if you get overwhelmed, just think of the Maytag repairman, sitting alone, waiting for a call that never comes. That would totally suck.

Your Lucky Newscaster: Charlie Gibson
Your Lucky Breakfast Item: Toast


Your Creative Horoscope is a registered trademark of Jenny Nicholson is super awesome, LLC and is for entertainment purposes only. Explosions resulting from awesomeness so great it cannot be contained in one person are the sole responsibility of the exploding persons. Any actual predictions of the future are accidental and not a reflection of the psychic powers of Jenny Nicholson is super awesome, LLC, unless said prediction involves Jenny Nicholson is super awesome, LLC sitting on a beach in Barbados with a drink in a coconut and an attractive cabana boy named Pierre.

You know that old saying “TGIF”? Well the astrological charts don’t, which means they don’t give a crap about your Friday excitement. So watch out, because today’s going to be one of those fifty pounds of poo in a five-pound bag™ kind of day. But hold on tight, keep shoveling and remember: you’re almost to the weekend. Plus, if you work really hard, you might come up with something amazing. Because if coal can become a diamond, surely you can make gold out of the stuff that’s sitting in front of you.

Your Lucky Skin Disease: Impetigo
Your Lucky Golden Girl: Blanche


Your Creative Horoscope is a registered trademark of Jenny Nicholson is super awesome, LLC and is for entertainment purposes only. “50 pounds of poo in a five-pound bag” is not a licensed trademark of Jenny Nicholson is super awesome LLC, but was first uttered by Jenny’s partner and Jenny Nicholson is super awesome, LLC believes in giving credit where it is due. Any actual predictions of the future are accidental and not a reflection of the psychic powers of Jenny Nicholson is super awesome, LLC, unless said prediction involves Jenny Nicholson is super awesome, LLC being crowned the grand emperor of the universe because, really, it’s about time.

It’s Thursday and we know what that means! Actually, I have no clue what that means. But I do know this: Thursday is one day before Friday, which is one day before the weekend, which means that, if you want to actually have a weekend, you better get to work. Because you can’t be self-righteous about working on Saturday if you’re only stuck working because you slacked off all week. So go forth and create today, so all you’ll be working on this weekend is a 6-pack of Corona and a family-size bag of Cool Ranch Doritos.

Your Lucky Deadly Sin: Avarice
Your Lucky Appliance: Motion-Activated Soap Dispenser


Your Creative Horoscope is a registered trademark of Jenny Nicholson is super awesome, LLC and is for entertainment purposes only. Anyone stuck working this weekend through no fault of their own is entitled to as much self-righteousness as they deem appropriate. Any actual predictions of the future are accidental and not a reflection of the psychic powers of Jenny Nicholson is super awesome, LLC, unless said prediction involves a Maserati that goes 185 and a limo where I can ride in the back, just in case I lose my license and can’t drive.

Mars dominates the charts this morning, which means you'll probably feel strong and successful today. That or be embroiled in battles of will, power struggles and other aggressive conflicts. You know, whichever. The best response to such mixed astrological messages? Read The Art of War. Whether you’re basking in glory or just trying to keep your head above water, Sun Tzu can help. Besides, as any planner will tell you, even the best creative needs a strategy.

Your Lucky Mammal: Hedgehog
Your Lucky Hobby: Stamp-Collecting


Your Creative Horoscope is a registered trademark of Jenny Nicholson is super awesome, LLC and is for entertainment purposes only. Any creative breakthroughs or brawls that may occur today are the sole responsibility of the parties involved. And Mars, because everyone knows that planet is all about war. Any actual predictions of the future are accidental and not a reflection of the psychic powers of Jenny Nicholson is super awesome, LLC, unless said prediction involves a no-strings-attached fling between Brad Pitt and Jenny Nicholson is super awesome, LLC. Because that would be pretty cool.

Today is your day. Whatever great ideas you’ve been holding back, it’s time to loose them upon the world and let your genius shine. Forget your concerns about looking stupid – there’s no such thing as a stupid idea. Okay, that’s totally a lie. Some ideas are admittedly kind of stupid, but you’ll never know if yours is one of them unless you open yourself up to the possible derision of your peers. And, with the stars smiling on you, there’s no better time to take your chances.

Your Lucky Adverb: Stealthily
Your Lucky Color: Olive Green


Your Creative Horoscope is a registered trademark of Jenny Nicholson is super awesome, LLC and is for entertainment purposes only. Any ideas that seemed good in your head but turned out to be stupid once uttered aloud are the sole responsibility of the speaker. Any actual predictions of the future are accidental and not a reflection of the psychic powers of Jenny Nicholson is super awesome, LLC, unless said prediction involves the rescue of a child from a well, in which case any professions of adoration or awards for heroism should be directed to Jenny Nicholson is super awesome, LLC.

Today might pose a challenge to your creative faculties. The waning of the moon, combined with the lingering remnants of the weekend’s festivities compete with the sun shining outside to distract you from the creative tasks at hand. But before you give in and retire to your backyard with a novel, remember: If you sit outside while you work, it almost doesn’t feel like work at all. With Mercury rising, the combination of your brain, a few sun rays and a notebook just might result in the best work you’ve ever done.

Your Lucky Number: 4,310
Your Lucky Beverage: Mountain Dew


Your Creative Horoscope is a registered trademark of Jenny Nicholson is super awesome, LLC and is for entertainment purposes only. Any damages resulting from bruised egos, writers block, procrastination, amazing success gained too soon, worldwide notoriety, sunburn, Mountain Dew overdose or sprained pinkie fingers are the responsibility of individual readers alone. Any actual predictions of the future are accidental and not a reflection of the psychic powers of Jenny Nicholson is super awesome, LLC, unless said prediction involves money, in which case the recipient of said money is hereby obligated to transfer 80% of their windfall to Jenny Nicholson is super awesome, LLC.